A Journey of Life
Flowers is a symbol of beauty. It can represent joy. It can also represent grief.
Each flowers represent a symbol and meaning. Red rose represents love, white lily represents purity, sunflower represents adoration, and many other flower languages.
Continue reading “Blooming flower”Been listening to this non-stop and it made me cry hard. Because there is so much had I left behind I forced myself to go away. There are some cases where I am also glad that I left. There are also some are I am not proud of…
As I recover from depression, I started to realize many things. I also need to learn many things.
I realize my mistakes and how naive I was. I am learning to love things I used to love again. I am figuring out who I am and what I want. Looking for missing pieces of myself…
The thing about leaving someone’s side is I could never forget the fun we had. There is always something that made me remember those I left. There is a part of me that wants to relive the moment we had. “Looking for a glimpse of us”. Yet I have to keep moving on and not look back.
As an old friend said, “you will always be a villain in someone’s story and you have to accept that. You can’t please anyone, including you”.
I do choose the hard way most of the time for selfish sake. Which rejects me out of everyone and blames all of it on myself…
Falling into the deep spiral of self-blaming and loneliness. and now, I am finally proud to say I am walking out of it now. It’s still progress and I am proud of it. Would I be a better person or not is still unknown…I just hoping for the best out of me.
I can’t imagine the process of making Joji’s new song. It’s painful to understand the meaning behind it. It can be either friendship or a relationship. It’s so tragic and sad. What a masterpiece…
You put on a mask as soon as the sunrise up. Cover your sadness with a smile. Raising a curtain to hide away those emotional wounds and try to make others feel the same. Feel like a hero that tries to save everyone’s heart. However, the only thing they do is just run away from those pain. Putting those smiles to hide your tears. Telling yourself you are okay while acting like a hero. Stop being a hero and save yourself. The hero won’t come unless you take a step.
Have you ever feel that no one remembers what you do?
No one is looking for you?
That your feelings is not matter?
Knowing everything will run just fine without you?
Feeling like a ghost.
I always feel what I able to do is always expected. no one cares about my feelings and I am just a nobody. No one is looking for me because I have nothing to look for. No one is care for me because I am too much to handle. I will just be alone and irrelevant forever.
Every time someone be kind to me, I always feel it is just because they want to use me and leave me again once they get what they want. No one thinks I am important.
Maybe I am an idiot to expect something put of others. Why would anyone care for me? They must have a need to fulfill then leave me. I am irrelevant after all.
When I leave the circle I love, I realize no one is looking for me. Everything goes well as it used to without any interruptions. Maybe It’s my bad for expecting anyone to do feel the same as I do towards me. I will just part away in my own way
.
All my life, No one is looking for me. Am I doing my best for nothing? Does no one truly love me? I hate being in this situation, but I can’t do anything about it.
I am just a ghost after all. Wandering by myself. No one cares for me and I am trying really hard to accept that right now. I don’t understand what I want either. I don’t know who I am anymore. I hate myself.
No matter how much I cried, screamed, do my best; My words fail me. As if I was talking to myself the whole time. As if no one wants to talk to me when I initiate the conversation. No one can see me.
I am not okay. I feel lonely. I need love.
But I can’t do anything. I am tired of working for nothing…
Hey, it is been a while since the last time we talk.
I hope you are doing fine.
Time flies really fast wasn’t it?
We both struggle on our mental health and we both keep supporting each other. I still remember that very dearly.
We keep clash among each other too. I guess we never get to understand each other.
We loved each other in our own way. I won’t forget that feeling.
I started to walk away for my own reason. I don’t hate you and never will be.
Up until now, We keep a little thread to be able to check on each other. Now, I decided to cut the thread once and for all.
I can’t keep looking back hoping it will eventually back as it used to be because I know it won’t. I don’t want to get hurt once again for the same reason. I won’t repeat the same mistake.
I don’t want to be ignored, invalidated, gaslighted, unrecognized, and keeping a false hope. It is time to close the chapter once and for all. We need to walk on our separate ways. Who knows we will meet again in a new chapter.
Good bye, I hope you are doing great.
I will always be proud of you.
I am starting to get a grip of myself.
I finally starts to fix myself slowly.
I can understand my own feelings more.
Everything feels great.
Every time I feel down,
I always remember what you said to me.
“Temporary discomfort for the long term comfort”
Despite we are just a stranger now, your words still stay.
If you see this, I want to say thank you for your kind encouraging words.
Hope you be well and happy.
Life always comes with a surprise. No one knows what it will give. Sometimes it can be something joyful, weird, or sorrowful. It feels like opening a surprise box. To some it is exciting, some feel obliged, or even scary to open it. Because no one knows the unknown that will come.
Continue reading “Surprise Box”You never bounded by the past.
You keep moved on and went with the present.
You never worry of the future either.
Do you have a memory of us on you?
Do you have a picture of us on you?
I can’t tell. You are hard to read.
You might already forgot about me anyway.
And it is better that way.
For the good of both of us…
You always say you want to understand me more yet I never feel being understanded.
When I talked about my passion, you don’t reply anything on me and just keep ignoring me.
Talking to you feels like talking into a wall.
Everytime I tell you something I really like, it is all silent.
I hate it.
You always say you don’t understand but you never tried or want to understand.
It feels kinda nostalgic when I think about it.
I see, It feels like I am being with someone from my old trauma.
You made an imaginary stories about me.
You put words inside my mouth that aren’t mine.
You just want to be heard but never tried to do the opposite.
Is my life is just a vicious cycle that doomed to happen? Idk.
All I can do is to say good bye.
Good bye, I hope you find someone you willing to understand and accept for who they are.
Decem Stellae 