Repeated Cycle

Things was much simpler back then.
We can just enjoy our time swinging at the park while enjoying each other company.
I kinda miss that time when we are together
I can always rely on you and we understand each other.
Now that I don’t have that kind of person anymore. Things got lonely.

Do I miss being with you? Not all. In fact, I am glad I am being honest with myself back then.
But I do miss the moment we had together.
“Don’t worry, I am okay” are words I always use to hide my feelings nowadays.
Now that things started to repeat once again.
I just hope it will turned out the same as before.

Everything will go away leaving me with lessons to learn.

Wasted Time

Those closed lips of yours are full of mistery.
You always accuse me of something I didn’t do.
You fill words that aren’t mine.
Yet you never want to open your lips.
Always judging me from behind.

I always try to talk to you yet I am scared of your judgement.
I couldn’t understand you not because I can’t but because I am scared.
I guess we have our own fault.
I can only laugh my naiveness off.

In the end,
Communication need to be embraced with understanding.
Communicating without understanding is just an empty word.
Understanding without communicating is just an assumption.

If both aren’t present, time will just be wasted.
Letting the same cycle goes once more resulting in regrets.

Night walk

It’s just like that night. I walk aimlessly through the night. Wondering what did I do wrong while listening to my favorite playlist.

As the night goes the heavier my shoulder gets. I stare at a starless sky. Nothing shine. It is empty. Truly define the state of heart I am right now. No one would shine in an empty sky alone.

I walk and step on a puddle. I look at my own reflection and saw my pathetic self. I see I am always alone. No one wants to understands me. No one to rely on. It is just me and my reflection all this time.

I laugh at my own self. I always know this would happen again, yet my words fail me. I am as stubborn as my old self do. Pushing everyone away and handling everything alone.

But once I open myself, Someone betrays my trust. It keeps cycling on the same vicious cycle. Nothing to learn. I am just accepting myself and move on as usual.

Nomad

I’ve been living a free life.
I never find a place to stay for a long time.
I am a nomad.
Not because I like being one, but it is hard to find a place that want me to reside.

I’ve been giving my best in every place I’ve ever stay in.
But none really want to do the same.
Since I am just a nobody to them.

My efforts seems worthless to them.
Maybe I am just selfish hoping anyone to do the same.
It’s hurts yet I have to keep going.

I am on a journey to seek for a place to reside, not a temporary shelter.
Let’s see will I ended the journey or the journey ended me first.

Gifted life

I feel like my life has not been mine since 5 years ago.
It is because I was saved by someone back then.

I believe my life was ended and was gifted a new one back then.
I’ve been dedicated my life to support those who saved my life.
I’ve been living recklessly when it comes to saving someone’s life.
I want to give my life to those who really needs it.

Living selflessly is a choice I made because it feels like I don’t deserve all of this.
It is a path I chose moving forward and I am fine with it.
As long I can bring happiness to others, I am all for it.

Chain

No matter what I do, there is always something holding me back.
It feels like something is attached to me all the time.
Ah I see, it must be my fear of intimacy.
It’s not because I don’t like it, it’s because I fear that it will eventually comes into an end.
Feels like a chain is tied on me controlled by my fear.
Is it a bad thing or not I can’t tell.
I just try not to depend on others when it comes to my happiness.

Empty

Happiness will always comes into an end.
It is sad but it is how it always has been.
My heart becomes empty yet my head is filled with memories.
I can always looks back on what we have done together.
All i can do is to enjoy it until it last.

Empty words

Your lips are full of promises.
Saying stuffs like “I will always by your side”, “We will be together forever”, and “I will help you as much as I can”.
But I don’t see you initiate any actions.
As if you only say those words to cheer me up but never really mean it.
It is just empty words. Meaningless.

Maybe I am selfish for asking you to initiate first.
Maybe I am just looking for someone who’s willing to do anything for me just like what I did before to someone I love.
I don’t know the exact reason.
I am just tired of people come and goes.
Saying things they never fulfill and leave me forever.

Maybe I have become selfish just like those who used to use my kindness.
I guess I should never give any expectation to others.
Since I will always be disappointed in the end.

Doing everything alone is the right way after all.

Trapped by the past

Photo taken on my business trip to Osaka.

I used to be a bright kid. I always excel at school. Many praises me a lot. I had a lot of friends. I was popular. Everything went so great. Now that I lost all of it, everything feels empty now.

Oil and Water

Photo taken on my trip to Tokyo

Have you wonder why oil and water never wanted to be mixed? scientifically, it is because oil have “water-fearing” molecule called making itself more dense than water. However, when we apply a soap into the mix, it would looks like the water and oil eventually mixed up. The oil don’t actually mixed up with the water, however the soap breaks the oild substance into smaller droplets helping it suspend into the water. Interesting isn’t it?